It’s all about now. Today, this moment.
Keeping up with a blog like this requires honesty and surrender, both of which require a depth of discovery that isn’t always pleasant. When I started, I thought I was strong enough. I thought I could just talk, and talk, and talk, and talk about my life as a noncustodial mom.
But I was wrong. It hurts. There has been an extraordinary healing, but it’s not complete. That’s okay, I know. But it makes the continual sharing of my very personal situation very difficult at times, so I’ve neglected the blog, not necessarily on purpose; more so because of ease.
I’ve needed to break myself from the memories, the still present pain, discomfort and inner torment. This isn’t a normal life, of that I’m sure you’re aware. If you are reading this, yours isn’t either, I presume.
Sometimes I just don’t want to cry, ya know. I get tired of it. Sometimes I just want to forget it all happened.
Then I see them …
… I smell them …
… I hug them …
… or rub their cheeks …
… and for a moment the past pushes itself to the forefront and reminds me of:
- every wrong and hateful thing that has happened;
- it reminds of what I don’t have, what I have missed out on, what I will never get back;
- it reminds me of how much I don’t know and how incredibly difficult it is to raise two young men that don’t live with me daily;
- it reminds of how many mistakes I’ve made and how many times I have failed and retreated under societal/personal pressure or fear.
Then, as if the white dove of forgiveness lands on my shoulder, the moment ends. The present returns, the now again becomes… the now.
It’s no longer about the past. It’s no longer about what I did, what my ex did, what we both did – voluntarily or not – it’s all about now.
Today. This moment.
It’s no longer about your past either. It’s no longer about what you did, what your ex did, what both of you did – voluntary or not – it’s all about now.
Today. This moment.
Don’t let another day return void.
Don’t be like me and allow even one itty-bitty second to pass while you hide and wallow in your pain. Hiding and wallowing does nothing. It’s only a breeding ground for personal destruction. It will hold you under, I promise. I’m proof.
What happened yesterday doesn’t matter now. It’s done and can’t be changed. Consider today a new day, this year a new year. Forget about resolutions and instead embrace a life of personal forgiveness and deep self-love. It’s not wrong to love yourself.
Love isn’t pride. Love is love. It always looks for the best, never looks back and keeps going to the end.
When you realize and come to the full understanding that you were created in His image, in His likeness, then you can learn to love how perfect every cell of your being is. (Genesis 1:27)
You are no longer what society says about you. You are what God says about you. And He says you’re precisely perfect..and chosen.
So don’t try to be like them. Be like YOU. Run your own race; it’s the only race you are guaranteed to win.