So, where to begin, how to start, what to say. Some days I’m not so sure I wanna talk; other days, I feel invincible. Like yesterday. Not today.
Today, I feel limited and somewhat without words or thoughts. Life is heavy, full of worries and fears and hopeless months of tear-laden prayers and anxious days of blah.
It’s full of methodical take downs and upper cuts by heartless people, circumstances and self-hate.
It’s fuller even yet of redemptive moments that plague the broken heart like dust in a hurricane as it forces through the cracks seeking … and finding … rest in the light, hope in the destruction, peace in the storm. Reeking ash finds it way to the water of life, feeding and nurturing til the new roots find their footing.
Some say, ridiculous. I say, real.
I say … real … because … real … means I’ve lived it, I’ve come to understand it and I’ve come to see the precious beauty in the linger.
Most of you know my story, where I’ve been and how ugly the roads I walked became.
But some of you don’t, so it’s those some of you that keep me coming back, keep my mind grounded, keep my heart graceful and flowy, full of flutters-by-day and skipped-beats-by-night.
It is for you that I pick up my mantle once again and offer you a place of comfort, a place of feel good warmth, a place of restoration, hope and togetherness.
Without my past and without my pain, my purpose remains futile, lacking both wisdom and compassion. One simply can’t expect to be effective or helpful, if one can’t understand the battle wounds that another is forced to entertain.
It’s those battle wounds that bring you here. Whether your journey has just begin, you’re in the thick of it or you’re simply on the outside looking in, we’re the same, you and I, desperately seeking to be understood or to understand.
The well-worn paths I have traveled weren’t mine to choose but they were mine to learn.
I’d venture to say yours weren’t either but now … you’re here and you’re searching and you’re. just. not. sure.