Ahh… Mother’s Day. A day that has the rotten potential of offering up severe cases of rejection and failure. A day that forces smiles, pours out the tears, and deepens the wounds of an already shattered heart. A miserable day that ranks second only to the day of our branding. It’s a stern reminder not only of who we aren’t holding in our trembling, grieving embrace, it’s also a reminder of all that went wrong to put us in this position, the alienation that has been shoved in our face, and our feeble attempts of trying to live a normal life as if nothing ever happened. Problem is, it has happened, and it’s a tough injustice to overpower for a lot of hard-bitten women.
Mother’s Day is coined as a day of celebration for Mother’s and while we are Mother’s, surely one can’t expect us to glorify a day that reminds of all that we have lost? I mean, our physical, oxygen-breathing reasons for life itself, for the honor of motherhood, aren’t even in our presence.
Sure, we may wake up to breakfast in bed, Happy Mother’s Day quotes and comments through social media, and receive gifts from family, new spouses/partners, and/or other children but there will always be a gnawing, an emptiness, a vacancy, a neon-blinking message of who isn’t there.
So really… celebrating just doesn’t make a lot of sense. It hurts more than it heals. Right?
No, not right. Very, very wrong.
Because it’s that kind of thinking that hurts more than heals.
Focusing on what you don’t have makes for a miserable life.
It’s like people who use their “power” for abusive control. Can you imagine the kind of unfortunate life they lead having to constantly plan and devise new ways to one-up the another person? It’s a constant game of manipulation to see how much they can suck out versus how little they’re willing to inject.
Think about that for a second.
It’s a constant game of manipulation to see how much they can suck out versus how little they’re willing to inject.
Now think about it in regard to your life as a Noncustodial Mom. By focusing on what you don’t have and all that you have lost, you’re in a constant game of self-manipulation, too.
You’re living life and you’re making it but subconsciously you’re on a self-guided mission to see how much you can suck out of your life. You’re not willing to inject the life-affirming goodness in amounts greater than what has been withdrawn. You’d rather falsify and distort your thought processes as they develop instead of working to improve and master them, because well.. it’s been second nature since you were branded.
Then, you become what you ruminate on and, by choice, you live your life void of happiness and hope for a future of reconciliation and healthy, long-term relationships with your children.
You’re the controller here, standing at the helm of your own life, and if you’re perpetually trying to one-up the beauty and gifts and blessings of the life you have now by regurgitating the past, we can safely come to only one conclusion: You’re taking life for granted and one day you’re going to look back and wish you didn’t. End of story.
So now, with your renewed perspective, let’s rework the whole Mother’s Day thought process right here with this one very simple question:
Does the fact that your kids live full-time with their dad (or someone else) make you any less of a mother? No. Okay then. So why not celebrate? You are part of their whole. Without you, they wouldn’t exist. You are still their mom. No one took that honor away from you. Not even their dad. Their dad may have gained physical-custody victory in the eyes of the rotten man-made court of law, but he did not gain victory over your motherhood. He couldn’t handle motherhood even if he tried! 😉
So Noncustodial Mom, what will you do?
- Will you celebrate your struggles with me, with us?
- Will you celebrate your life with me, with us?
- Will you take today, a day of honoring motherhood, and celebrate with me, with us?
I hope you say yes. I hope you see how worthy you are. I hope you feel the passion and love that flows from my heart to yours.
Celebrate you, I give you permission.