The single life. I found great joy in it. I did. For almost 6 years. I figured with the two previous men I picked out, I needed an intervention, and a time of purposeful singlehood was the answer.
Fast forward 6 years to the now. Surely if a man came around that was worth my time, I would know it, he would know it, and we’d march happily off into ever after, together. I mean, we just had to, right?!
Besides, if I allowed him in my life it would only be because he was sent by God, as a gift, a restitution for all the years gone bad, if you will, and to shut me up I’m sure.
By then I would know the signs, I would know what I wanted, and needed, and my heart would be ready to receive. I just knew it.
What I didn’t know was that His intervention was NOT my kind of intervention. My intervention consisted of riding-in-the-sunset on clouds of sweet forever happiness. His intervention consisted of nirvana-turned-ugly and you don’t get forever yet idea.
Seriously, God? Really.. again? Can’t just ONE (hello… just need O-N-E!) man hang out with me for something like forever.. just maybe? You’re the creator of the world, and every man…. I’m not asking for an army. Just one. That’s all.
God, do you hear me?!
You forget about me again?
Hello.. Hellllloooooo….. Yooooohoooooooooo.. Dontcha think 6 years is long enough?! Even if you don’t; I DO!!!! And I’m frankly tired of waiting. For you. Hmmmppppphhhhhhh.
Man enters. Fast. I let him in. I had nothing to lose so I let him all the way in. No regrets, I told myself. I fell in love, deeper than I had ever been. I gave him my everything. Every part of me.. the good, bad, and ugly, he now owned.
He accepted fully and hovered tenderly over me as his wonder woman aglow. For three months, my life soared. I could do no wrong. I could be no wrong. I could live no wrong. I could say no wrong.
He, this restitution sent by God, remember?, ravished mightily over me.
With his every word… I became great. I became powerful. I became invincible. I became without flaw. He filled my cup to overflowing, and the nightly tears through 3 and 4 hour long conversations-of-awe proved it.
He was… The wind beneath my wings. The means to my existence. The joy to my pain. The healing to my hurt. The answer to my every why-me question.
He was it. And I was so sure. So was he.
This human embodied the very existence of God in man form. He touched a part of my soul that only God has ever been able to touch. It didn’t matter that we lived 3 days apart or that we hadn’t even seen each other yet. It didn’t matter the physical touch because we reached each other on a level that we had long ago secretly stamped, “Do not pass go. Do not collect $200.” Nothing else mattered.
We promised to do it. We promised to not give up. We promised to make it work. We promised our forever to each other.
God, thank you. This gift of him is perfect. He’s human but oh so dreamy perfect. Ya know, he knows my every weakness, and my past, and still showers me with love, he understands me, he loves my boys, he was prepared to adopt E and step-father B&D, he was making room in his home for our visits. He even told his parents that he had met their daughter-in-law, he had started looking for ‘the ring’, and we were making plans to replace my mile laden car and get married.
Then he asked that I start dreaming about our wedding and to be thinking of where it would be, who would be there, what dress and photographer I wanted, what colors, etc. I just wanted to run away and elope but not he; he said he wanted his princess to have the dress and wedding she’d always dreamed of. Who could argue with that!
I had always said that when I found him, I would know, and it would go fast. Everything was exactly as I had wanted, plus so, so much more. The four days he was here were nothing short of perfect, only confirming the very thing we knew.. we would be forever.
I had never felt so loved and wanted… even in my chunkness.
You saw how he laid on the bed and giggled and giggled with Ethan until they were dog dead silly and snorting through laughter.
You saw how he cooked us our every meal, stocked our cabinets and fridge with an abundance of food and even filled my car with gas.
You saw how he sat under this very table with E and D, with tools in hand, taught them how to fix the broken leg.
You saw how that one night, our “date”, that we stopped at the store ’cause he said he needed to get something and he came out with a dozen white roses.
You heard his voice when he asked me to marry him.
You saw how he picked up my every broken piece and filled this broken-by-years-of-hurt heart with goodness and hope.
God, you saw how he kissed me lovingly, held me strongly, wiped my tears gently, and provided for us freely. I’m not sure what I did to deserve this incredible, incredible man, but thank you for my one, my forever one.